We all have warm memories of holidays past; laughter, food, but most of all family. This year will hopefully be no different. If you have aging parents that you don’t see often, you should use this visit to make sure they are still safe and able to care for themselves in their home. Here are a few things to look for during your visit:

1) The most obvious indicator is going to be their appearance. Are their clothes clean? Have they showered recently? Even something as simple as no longer brushing their hair could tell you that their ability to manage may be slipping.

2) Check medicine cabinets for expired or new prescriptions. Ask questions about how often they take them and what they were prescribed for. Quizzing your mom and dad about what they are taking will be an indicator of their ability to remember their daily dosage, it will also help you monitor their medications and hopefully prevent them from becoming overmedicated.

3) A simple search around the house should tell you if they are no longer capable of keeping it up. If your parents have always kept the house clean and tidy, and during this visit you notice excessive clutter, laundry and dishes undone, heavy layers of dust, and expired food in the refrigerator, it’s probably time to start speaking with them about finding a solution to make daily living activities easier to manage.

4) Check their calendar. Often an elderly person will withdraw from social interaction, especially if they feel conversations are more difficult than they used to be or if they are suffering from depression. Ask what activities they have coming up, who they may have chatted with recently. Are they attending church or other social functions regularly?

5) You also want to look for stacks of unpaid bills or excessive mail from catalogs and sweepstakes. This could be a difficult conversation with your parents, especially if they’ve not been open about their finances in the past. If you’re really concerned, try to get access to their transactions, look for unprecedented donations to charity and home shopping channel or catalog purchases for unnecessary items. These things by themselves aren’t necessarily a huge problem but can indicate that you’re parent(s) ability to rationalize their purchases and personal finances might be slipping.

As you head home to visit your parents this holiday season be sure your memories of yesteryear, don’t blind you to what may be happening now. Observe as much as you can this visit, but don’t bring it up during your holiday dinner. Instead set aside some time right before you leave to discuss their long term care solutions. The care solution you choose will be a very personal decision. It is infinitely better to plan for the time your parents are no longer able to care for themselves, than it is to react during an unplanned hospitalization. Above all remember to enjoy the time you do have with them.